“You know what the world needs? The world needs an iPhone app that rates its users’ abilities in bed. Well, okay — you’re right. The world probably definitely does not need that. But needed or not,Passion (iTunes link) is an iPhone app that is foisting itself upon the world.

The idea behind Passion is that you run the program before getting intimate with someone, and you either somehow wear the phone or at least keep it on the bed with you as you, well, you know. The phone will then sense movement, listen to the volume of the, erm, proceedings, and apparently use “many other” of the iPhone’s “unique features” to generate a rating, sorry, an “accurate score” for your performance, which you can then compare against the other people using the app.

Okay, there are more than a couple things wrong with this concept. First of all, chances are if you’re someone who is willing to wear your iPhone during sex, rating your performance is the least of your worries in that department. The idea that the rankings Passion generates will be of any use whatsoever is laughable; 90% of the “performances” or whatever the app chooses to call them will most likely be made by immature giggling teenagers violently shaking their phones while screaming at the tops of their lungs.

The funniest thing about Passion is the price. At $5US, this ridiculous and silly application is actually likely to make Chris Alvares, its creator, some real coin. Chris has created a silly toy that will appeal to a certain population with laser-like accuracy.”